Joshua and Sandell Review: Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Joshua Efron: That movie was so boring.
Joshua Efron: The 4th one. 
Joshua Efron: Just like........  yawn. 
Sandell Stangl: I cant believe it took an hour for something to happen.
Joshua Efron: I was bored when they got married, I was bored when they were fucking, and I was bored when she was dying. 
Joshua Efron: And I was bored when she was dead! 
Sandell Stangl: The only time I was not bored was when the wolves were talking. And that was because they were yelling really loud. 
Joshua Efron: Yes.  A scene where none of the actors were actually in front of the camera was the only scene you didn't find boring.
Joshua Efron: I think the only scene I wasn't bored for was............. 
Joshua Efron: .......  well, I had a nice conversation before the movie with the girl at the concessions stand.
Joshua Efron: It all went downhill from there.
Joshua Efron:  My sister and I had to spend 3 minutes trying to remember if Jasper had any lines. 
Sandell Stangl: who is jasper?
Joshua Efron: ...Wow. 
Joshua Efron: I would say that's really bad but I don't think I can blame you for this.
Joshua Efron:  The one who looks like he's in pain is Jasper.
Sandell Stangl: Umm, can you be more specific?
Joshua Efron: Curly hair.  Civil war soldier.
Sandell Stangl: ...
Joshua Efron:  One of the Cullens?  The shorter pale one who isn't the dad?
Sandell Stangl: oh that guy.
Joshua Efron: I think Alice had some lines about clothing and stuff.  And Rosalie had a number of lines but didn't actually say anything.
Sandell Stangl: There just wasn't any good dialogue in this movie. 
Sandell Stangl: I guess the wedding had some kinda funny lines but that was about it. 
Sandell Stangl: The rest of the movie was a 13 year old girls wet dream. 
Joshua Efron: Which part?  The unwanted pregnancy, the dying during childbirth... 
Joshua Efron: Oh!  The life-endangering weight loss as the monster growing inside of her consumed her life essence.  I forgot to mention that.
Joshua Efron:  ...She did have a nice wedding dress.
Sandell Stangl:  Getting married to a handsome vampire. Then going on a remote island with said vampire where you just talk about your feelings and enjoy an island paradise. What part of that doesn't sound like a young girls wet dream? Granted, once the pregnancy stuff starts it changes into a horrorish movie. Sort of.
Joshua Efron:   I don't even have any problems with this film, it was so boring.  I don't as much have a complaint with the movie not being successful as a stand-alone story.  That's fine.  It's the climax of a four-novel story, I don't expect it to stand on its own.  But it is a failure even as a part of the series.
Joshua Efron:  Ok, enough of the 4th film, we'll come back to it again after the final movie comes out.  You and I have each gone back and re-watched the series in order to sum up our opinions on it, so lets talk about the whole series so far together.
Joshua Efron: What's the best.
Sandell Stangl: The best movie...
Sandell Stangl: hmmm.
Sandell Stangl: I think the first movie is the best in terms of script writing. 
Sandell Stangl: It follows the basic rules of script writing the best. It introduces Bella's character (or lack there of) and attempts to get you to like her without her doing anything. Seriously, the first half hour of the 1st Twilight tries to get the audience to connect to her teenage angst. That's not how you like a character!
Sandell Stangl:  Edward actually did have a moment in which we like him. He went out of his way to save Bella.
Sandell Stangl:  So I think the first is the best, but I think the third is the most entertaining. 
Joshua Efron:   What gets your vote for worst?
Sandell Stangl: The most recent one is by far the worst.
Sandell Stangl: Granted, that it's a first part in a 2 part movie. I still don't think that should give it any leeway. Do you disagree?
Joshua Efron: I agree that you shouldn't give it leeway. 
Sandell Stangl: It seems like a lot of fans do though! And this was the problem that I had with the last Harry Potter movie. I thought that the first of the two parts was boring.
Sandell Stangl: And fans of that told me "Well, they're trying to set in despair that these characters feel. Given the situation that they're in."
Sandell Stangl: And that's fine but it still boring.
Sandell Stangl: Just like Breaking Dawn part 1.
Joshua Efron: One more.  What's your favorite moment so far in the series?
Sandell Stangl: HA! How shall I answer this? Every moment that I liked was also funny.  Or do you want my favorite serious moment?
Joshua Efron: Your favorite moment.
Sandell Stangl: Probably the first movie when Edward saves Bella from the car.
Sandell Stangl: We finally get a genuine moment where a character does something noble so that we can like him. And Edward's response to Bella (who didn't really question his super strength) "If you tell anyone they won't believe you".
Sandell Stangl: I just thought that his paranoid response was so funny. I guess he was supposed to be paranoid but come on. They could have done that WAY better.
Sandell Stangl: What was yours I wonder?
Joshua Efron: The best movie is the third.
Sandell Stangl: Your favorite moment came form the third or it is your personal favorite?
Joshua Efron: I didn't say anything about it being my favorite.  The third movie is -not- my favorite, but it is the Best.
Sandell Stangl: Really? You think it functions as a better script than the first one?
Joshua Efron: Yes.  The structure may not be as formally put together as the first, and I will admit that the 1st succeeds in many ways that the third doesn't.
Joshua Efron: But it also doesn't Fail in the ways the first film does.
Joshua Efron: The third film has the most successful characterization, the most successful tension, and the most successful technical work.
Joshua Efron: The third film still has loads of problems.
Joshua Efron: But it's success-to-failure ratio is far healthier than the first film's.
Joshua Efron: That being said, want to guess which movie is my favorite?
Joshua Efron: The first one.
Joshua Efron: Despite the third one being more successful, the first one is just More Interesting.
Joshua Efron: The characters fricking POP, the acting, the tension, the characters, it's all Intense.  And incredibly hit or miss, but when it hits it hits hard, and when it fails it fails even harder.   There are some things that drive me crazy about it, mistakes that never should have been made and problems that should have been casual to avoid.
Joshua Efron: But it's so much more interesting Sandell!
Joshua Efron: There are so many WTF moments in the first movie that are just delicious.  All of Bella's incredibly absurd friends?  And I don't mean like they're just silly people, I mean like the director gave all the actors crazy pills.
Joshua Efron: How incredibly lemony-sour all the expressions of the Cullens are?
Joshua Efron: How incredibly WHAT??? each of the interactions is between Bella and Edward?
Joshua Efron: The director of the first movie tried So Hard to find some way of conveying Something.
Joshua Efron: I don't know What The Hell that was, but I find the attempt bewilderingly nippely.
Joshua Efron: Now, the third movie being the best, and the first movie being my favorite, my favorite moment is actually in the second film.
Sandell Stangl: A lot...went on in that movie. And I believe that is what started the whole Jake vs Edward thing. Which I never understood...
Sandell Stangl: That is a good movie to get a favorite moment from though. What was it?
Joshua Efron: Hands down - the scene in which Bella bleeds in front of the Cullens.
Joshua Efron: It's not my favorite not because of how good it is but because of how good it Almost Was.
Sandell Stangl: lol
Sandell Stangl: I find that so funny and so sad...
Joshua Efron: Over at the Cullen's in front of the entire vampire family, Bella accidentally cuts herself and the vampires see the blood.  Jasper, being the least able to control himself, fails his primal urge roll and rushes at Bella, at which point Edward does the best thing he can to separate them, which is throw Bella to the other side of the room and step between her and Jasper.  Jasper is called with the help of Alice, and Edward turns around to face Bella and there is a moment - a Powerful Moment that is screaming with success.
Joshua Efron: Edward turns around to see that he has thrown Bella into a glass table, which has shattered - and now she's bleeding Everywhere.
Joshua Efron: It was an incredibly well set up moment.  Super A-1 success!  Yosh! 
Joshua Efron: But the film didn't follow through!!! 
Joshua Efron: Here's Bella covered in blood and we see the horror on Edwards face as he turns to face the other vampires, and suddenly they're All about to leap on Bella.
Joshua Efron: And then....
Joshua Efron: And then Sandell?
Joshua Efron: They just... all restrain themselves.
Joshua Efron: They all make their rolls to resist frenzy and the tension ends.
Joshua Efron: Listen, I'm not saying there should have been a fight.  Their shouldn't have been, because there's no way to easily mend the characters relationships from that.
Joshua Efron: But there should have been Something.  They fail to restrain themselves and there's no way Edward can stop all of them and they charge and ----
Joshua Efron: I don't know!  That's why it's exciting!!!
Joshua Efron: Probably Carlisle steps in, and cows all of them.  That's what would work best. 
Sandell Stangl: The writer probably just didn't know how to keep the tension going. 
Joshua Efron: I know how to keep the tension going.  I just told you how.
Joshua Efron: And that was an easy successful answer to come up with.
Joshua Efron: The fact that the writer and director missed it is... a waste.  One of the most wasted moments I've ever seen in film.
Joshua Efron: So anyway, that is still, despite the Fail, my favorite scene in the series, for how awesome it nearly was.
Joshua Efron: I think that pretty much wraps everything up, doesn't it?  Until we can do a complete review post Breaking Dawn Part 2?
Joshua Efron: If the 5th movie continues the trend of being increasingly boring, it's just going to be three and a half hours of Edward snoring.
Sandell Stangl: Edward doesn't sleep though! He'll just be staring at a brick wall.
Joshua Efron: ..........
Joshua Efron: >shudder<